I Don't Want To Grow Up

Having a baby changes everything. From that first time you hold him or her in your arms, everything changes. You go from 30 minute bubbles baths at night to showering maybe twice a week if you’re fortunate. I remember looking into Zayin’s eyes shortly after returning home from the hospital and thinking to myself, “my word, I have to take care of you, like I’m your mommy and you cannot do anything without me?!” I remember calling my mom and asking her how would I ever know when to change his diaper?! (hah, new parent spoiler!) Super overwhelming moment, but also super surreal. He couldn’t do anything without me. Nothing. He was totally, and utterly reliant on me (and daddy) to care for him, feed him, clothe him, bathe him, and love on him. He cried to show us he needed us. He laughed to show us he loved us, and every once in a while, he slept to show us what rest looked like again! 

I think there comes a time in our lives where we “grow up”. We become more and more independent, self sufficient, and self reliant and our parents send us out into the 'real world'. With age, we grow up and mommy and daddy are ‘needed’ less and less. This is fantastic in worldly form. It's how we desire to raise our children- independent and self-sufficient- in order for them to be successful in the world today.  But this is so not the case spiritually. As I was sitting through Lesson 1 of our Church’s summer Bible Study, it dawned on me. The pastor spoke about coming to God like a child in prayer, not like an (I know it all- I don’t need you) adult, but like a child- needy, dependent, totally and utterly trusting. Children trust that their mommy and daddy will feed them, clothe them, love on them, provide for them and overall- just take care of them. They trust their parents so, so naturally. Just as a newborn is fully dependent on their parents; what if I were that dependent upon God, my own Father? If I trusted the God, my Father who created me, like knit every detail in me together, like I trusted my earthly parents so naturally? How would that change my prayer life, the words I speak to Him in prayer, my neediness for Him and His presence, grace, and the gospel message in my life daily. If I approached The King, rich in love and grace, siting on His throne full of power and might and prayed my prayers- what would my conversations then look like? Would that change yours? 

Lord Jesus, I pray in Your sweet Name that you would break down those thing(s) in our lives that are keeping us from fully trusting You, Your will, and Your ways. Whether it be fear, weakness, doubt, and/or shame, humble us enough to see our desperate need for Your goodness. Help us exchange our depravity for Your grace. May our hearts long to see Your glory in even our deepest pain. We love You and desire to trust You in all Your ways as we pray all of this in Your sweet, sweet, Name. Amen.